The Senators Picking Yaroslav Askarov Tonight Could Change Canadian-Russian Geopolitics Forever

There's nothing better than a little pageantry and goddamnit that's what we have here folks.  Putin tossing out a little teaser of a state visit and attendance to his first Senators game (I love how it says "his first" as if Vladimir Putin would have EVER had driving out to Canadian Tire Centre to watch Mark Borowiecki on the top of his to-do list during his visits to Canada in any scenario?!) on the table if they take his advice.  A gesture like this is not something to take lightly.  First he has a couple cocktails in a suite at the Sens game, and the next thing you know, Putin is closing down "Barefax" and throwing rubles everywhere, having the time of his life with the finest scantily clad women Ottawa has to offer.  He ends up becoming friends with Brady Tkachuk and vows to come back for the Sens first round playoff series and subsequent surprise Cup run, and even brings his own Grizzly Bear to re-enact Boris the Chinchilla victory dances.  The bond could grow so strong that he eases tariffs on Canadian goods, causing an economic boom Canada has never before seen.  In the event of a World War?  Putin has Canada's back due to the unbreakable bond he developed with the city of Ottawa due to their faith in his boy Yaroslav Askarov... it seems pretty straight forward folks.

Sports are always great, but they get even better when the game becomes larger than life.  What difference does it make if the Senators take LW Lucas Raymond or Yaroslav Askarov at pick number 5?  The difference in foreign relations between Canada and a world superpower.  Like the fact that there's even a .1% chance that Russia's sympathy towards nuking Canada or not would be swayed by Putin liking Ottawa and the Senators doing him a solid just goes to show why sports are unlike any other hobby on Earth.  I'm not saying it would render them "good" with Russia, I'm just saying I think there's a .1% chance it might sway it either way, and that is unreal.

P.S. - Geopolitics aside, the first results when you search this kid says that his nickname is "The Machine" and his highlight package came with a BIG FIRE Russian hip hop instrumental and I am ALL IN.  If the Sens don't draft this dude their future misery is all on them (plus you may get nuked which is a negative).